To a 24 year old

If you are 24 or know someone who is- please pass this on- Might be a little boastfull- but yes, I think it's that important.

The backstory is that I, along with my friend Rachel, went out to a local bar tonight to watch football and drink beer (apparently, we grow testicles in our spare time). A guy sat down beside me and struck a very appropriate, non-sexual type of conversation. He had probably had too much to drink but never did I feel that he was hitting on me. He even gave me the 411 about his girlfriend; the pretty size 6 blonde with the tall black boots and short skirt. She was 24 (he was 29) and unhappy with him at the moment for something he had said earlier. All of sudden, she slips up behind us and appears to be even more furious that he has struck a conversation with a 30 something, saggy boobed, root-showing, wife and mother of two. She was upset that he was talking to ME. My once positive first impression based solely on the fact that she was attractive qucikly changed- and suddenly she wasn't so pretty anymore. She was acting like a brat and feeding off the self-inflicted drama. I was baffled and felt the urge to drag her to the nearest corner and yell at her like a red-headed stepchild. Look at you! LOOK AT ME!! Grow Up, I would say... What the hell is wrong with you??????

The more I thought about it- the more I realized that what I would say to her, right there in that bar, wouldn't be much different than what I would say to a 24 year old friend, or even better- to my 24 year old former self. 24 is such a crossroads age- it's a mixed up, complicated rabbit hole between "I'm so cool" and "I have no idea who I am".  I was there once- I wish someone had told me....

• In 3 years, you will not even remember the dress (that you spent a car payment to have) you wore to that party.
• Sex will not make someone fall in love with you. 9 times out of 10, doing it too soon will result in the complete opposite.
• Make him treat you like the gift that you are.
• Beer makes you fat.
• Reality TV makes you stupid
• Envy drives you crazy.
• VOTE. But arm yourself with knowledge before you just go and vote for the popular one who smiles nice.
• Fighting or trying to start a fight- makes you a bonified classless redneck.
• Write down your feelings- destory it afterwards if you want- but write them down.
• Go on trips with your girlfriends and have the time of your life.
• If you know you really don't have a handle on it- ditch your credit cards.
• Find a cause you believe in with all your heart and vow to somehow make a difference in it.
• You never know what other people are going through and why there are the way they are. Try not to be too judgemental self-consuming.
• Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever put a phone in your hand when you have been drinking. Even if he agrees to meet with you it's because he is horny and feels sorry for you.
• Take lots and lots of pictures. One day you will look back and wonder why your legs don't look that anymore.
• Even if you find the love of your life at this age- wait 5 years before you marry him.
• Most of the things you want in this life are waiting for you right outside your comfort zone.
• Drive a paid off crappy car for as long as you can. It saves you money and gives you character.
• He thinks your body is beautiful.
• Don't smoke- It's so incredibly unattractive and expensive. And it makes you stink- yes, even after you put it out. Oh and IT WILL KILL YOU. Don't date someone who smokes either.
• Explore, learn and respect other cultures.
• Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up- rid yourself of toxic relationships.
• Save your money- no one will care if you wear the same boots as you did last year.
• Be mysterious.
• Learn the art of empathy
• Older people really are smarter than you- listen to them.
• Two words: BIRTH CONTROL!
• Be safe: be aware of your surroundings and always let someone know where you're going.
• Be confident and even when you're not- ACT confident.
• Spend more time with your family- before you know it, many of them will be gone.
• Floss your teeth.
• Whatever it is- it is not the end of the world.
• Learn to enjoy salads- after 30, that's all you're allowed to eat.
• Buy good bras. In 10 years, your husband, back and TaTa's will thank you.
• Try to stay out of the sun- and don't you dare step into a tanning booth.
• You are stronger than you ever thought possible.
• You will kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince.
• You will find your prince.

Christmas

Well, hello Christmastime- I'm glad you're here....

You might call me a sucker or perhaps some other name with a slightly negative twist. You might call me cheesy or gushy or commercially sentimental. I don't care- you can stuff it in your stocking because I'm ok with it. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I love the music- I love the decor- I love shopping the day after Thanksgiving. I love the traditions, new and old. And now with my own children in the mix, Oh MAN- Christmas Day is my utopia. I love it all!

I suppose this is my fair warning. I'll probably get sappy and a little homesick and you'll just have to bear the Christmas music playing here as you read this. You might have to endure some slideshows of old Christmas photos. You might have to read about my Dad, my sweet Granny and Grandmother; My Pa and my Uncle Gary. These are all people that at one time played such a huge part in warm Christmas memories. They're gone now and so Christmas is always a little bittersweet. It's not like I don't think about them every other day- but you know- Christmas is just.. well, it's Christmas. It's a little harder.

But it's still cozy and joyous and a happy time. Because even with all the crap going on- even when it feels like there's not much to celebrate. Even when you feel like the inauthenticity and commericalism has just clouded every real aspect of this time... you have to just breathe and release it. It is yours to enjoy and to appreciate all the love and beauty around us. And then it's our own responsibility to carry that in to the coming year.

"Christmas, in its final essence, is for grown people who have forgotten what children know. Christmas is for whoever is old enough to have denied the unquenchable spirit of man." ~ Margaret Cousins (1905- ), senior editor Doubleday Publishing Company.

Happy Holidays!

MUTEMATH

Do you know this band? No? Then shame on you. Go to Itunes now and download a few songs- better yet, just download all their albums because you're going to anyway... Their 2006 self titled debut album is a sure fire winner. You will not be disappointed. Then you might want to dive a little deeper to experience "Flesh and Bones Electric Fun" which takes the composition of a live album to a whole new level. Love it Love it Love it!! Their newly released "Armistice" delivers just as well. Be sure to visit their website and take a look at the video for "BackFire". It's beyond! These.Guys.Are.Just.So.Brilliant.

And so there's a story behind all of this-and I will warn you, I don't prefer it but I have no choice but to do a little name dropping here. It's not often that I find myself in these situations.

Several years ago, I had the privilege of meeting a young woman by the name of YoMary. She also went by the nickname, JoJo which is what I chose to call her because I couldn’t quite mimic the sound it took to say her name as beautifully as she did. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of positive energy this beautiful girl radiates. She is simply magnetic and we became fast friends. JoJo is (or was- I haven’t spoken to her in a while) the nanny to a certain Mr. McGraw and Mrs. Hill. (It's important to note here that she does not reveal her employers identity easily- mostly until well after she gets to know someone. She has the utmost respect for that family and those girls and they are indeed lucky to have her).

About a year after I met her, I received a phone call from a woman named Gay. She was calling to invite me to a surprise birthday party for JoJo at La Paz in Green Hills. I gladly accepted and thanked her for the invitation. A couple of weeks later, I arrived at the party a little early and was met by the only other person there- her name was Sandra. We talked and laughed, traded funny stories about JoJo and gushed about how much we loved her. Other guests began to arrive and I finally met Gay, the friendly voice that called me. I met JoJo’s sister (who was just as vibrant and fun) and her husband and a slew of other really cool, sort of eclectic, painfully beautiful people. I almost felt like I didn’t belong, but that was certainly a result of my own insecurities, not from any of their doings.

At the table I was seated next to JoJo and across from her sister’s husband. When it was time for JoJo to open gifts, I was assigned the dubious honor of discarding the wrapping paper. Gay handed her the first gift, “This is from Tim and Faith” she said. I nearly threw up but managed to compose myself and act like I hear those names in random conversations everyday. She began opening the gift and started handing me the paper. JoJo giggled and asked Gay if one of the girls had wrapped it. Gay laughed as well and said, “No, actually, I think Tim did”. GULP. I resisted the urge to put some of that paper in my purse as a psycho keepsake but I do recall sort of um, sniffing it before I threw it away. Yeah, I know- I just have this thing with smells… What?

The party began to wind down and I found myself engaged in a rather lengthy conversation with JoJo's sister's husband- the gentleman that had been introduced to me earlier as Roy. I thought that he might be in a band of some sort, so our conversation turned to music. He told me the name of his band and I remember feeling a little embarrassed because I hadn’t heard of them. I made a mental note to look them up when I got home- but unfortunately for me, I never did. The party ended as did our conversation and I took some time to say goodbye to JoJo. There were three others that I wanted to say goodbye to, because I had actually had significant interaction with them each.

So I said goodbye to Gay- Faith Hill’s best friend.

Then to Sandra- Faith’s manager.

And then to Roy- who I would later discover was none other than Roy Mitchell-Cardenas, bassist for MuteMath. And as Cher would say..."If I could turn back time".

It was only years later, when the soundtrack to Twilight was released and the song “Spotlight” was included, that the bell went off. I saw the name of the band- MuteMath and was quickly taken back to that night at La Paz and to the super nice guy that I had the chance to talk with. And so began the getting to know you portion of my now very solidified relationship with their music. I’ve been a very vocal and loyal fan ever since.

This past summer I found myself, along with Kyle and the kids in Jason’s Deli, sitting in one of the booths. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed four guys slipping quietly into the booth in front of us. I looked up- then studied them closer. It was MuteMath, the entire band was right there, in all their glory. I could have reached out and pulled Paul Meany’s ear but thought that might be a little aggressive. But the truth was, I was frozen and completely star struck. I've been in Nashville nearly 9 years now and I've come a long way since JoJo's party- I don't get starstruck that easy. I was also overcome with insecurity and that's not easy to admit. Not only was I about 40 pounds heavier from giving birth to Riley earlier in the year, but I was dressed frumpy and sitting there with my family. I felt like such a mom; which in most situations is the title I'm most proud of. But you know- I felt like a MOM- like how you used to think of your mom when you thought you were the coolest person alive. It’s like I didn’t feel cool enough to love their music as much as I do. Because they are the epidemy of cool and I only used to be. So I never said anything. I didn’t approach them and to this day, I regret it. I wanted to say to Roy- “hey remember me? I was the schmuck at JoJo’s party who was living under a rock and hadn’t yet discovered the sheer joy that is your music.” But I ducked out of Jason’s Deli as fast as my flabby thighs and mom shoes would take me.

So Roy- rock on, brother, and I’ll keep spreading the love. You guys give new meaning to music and I’m very appreciative of your creative mark on this world.

http://www.mutemath.com/
http://www.roymitchellcardenas.blogspot.com/

Writing It Down- A series of memories and musings that you'll just have to endure

I have to admit- I'm feeling a little Carrie Bradshaw"ish" at the moment. As I write this I am cuddled in a blanket (my grandmother's no less-how's that for flair?) sitting outside on our bedroom balcony; drinking wine and enjoying our amazing view of downtown. Truthfully I am freezing my ass off but the cold air has kind of kick started the creative flow... and lately I've needed something! So... sorry for the lack of posts lately. Thanks for checking back.

This is what does it.

This is what fuels the torrid love affair I have between residing in City OR Suburbs...

Pro's and Con's? Yes, I did that. There are 22 pros to living in the city. There are 22 pros to leaving it. So obviously that was an hour of my life I'd like to have back... But the reality is- Is that I love living in the city. *LOVE IT*- looooove it- like how you love a pair of super unnecessarily expensive shoes or how you love that one really great picture of your butt that you kind of want to put on your Facebook profile but don't because you'd still be "that" girl. ehh ehmmm..... But in all seriousness, the city represents an extreme amount of growth in my life. For me, this city is a personal accomplishment.

No, Nashville is not New York- it's not Chicago. It doesn't have quite the allure of granduer that other larger cities can boast. And that's ok- it's a big city with a small town feel (which is probably the most overused cliche' ever when describing Nashville but it's very true, nonetheless). There is a pulse among the avenues that feed the fires of love, appreciation and respect for all things music. You can feel it. I miss having music in my everyday life; maybe more than I even know myself. But just being close to it fills some kind of void and it's comforting, you know? There's something about having that right at your fingertips- walking out your front door and it being right in front of you. It's just a different view of the world. This view feels aesthetically alive and emphatically established. And in some crazy twisted metaphor-that's the same thing I continue to search for within myself.

So we've been looking at houses in the suburbs. Obviously there's the "getting more house for our money" argument. And I will say-it is becoming a strong argument at that. Then, there's the school situation which is turning out to the be the front-runner. What parent doesn't want their child in the best schools possible? There's the land and the smell! OH, the smell! The smell of the city and the smell of... well, anywhere but the city- is like night and day. I miss the smell of grass. I miss seeing stars. Forget the big dipper- the only thing I see is the orange glow of the Hustler Hollywood Adult Store sign. Which by the way, I can't tell you how many times we have driven by those very revealing store front windows and Tyson takes quick notice. Lately I have had to explain that... "No, baby, none of your friends will be wearing that on Halloween." Sheesh. Oh and dead things on the side of the road- I miss that too.....

But then- there it is again. The buzz of the metropolis- People are celebrating- they are congregating- merriment in groups. The static of the interstate- People are moving- they have a destination - a purpose. It's addictive and being out here right now is reminding me to remember it. So as a promise to myself to never again rely on my low-performing memory cells for any sort of nostalgia, this is me "writing it down".

There will be more to follow....

Thanks for letting me ramble.

I'm Searching For My Thing

Being a wife and a mom of two leaves little room for much else. And now I am working a few hours a week from home and officially tapping into an empty pool. I'm beat and tired and more stressed out than my wonderful life could ever justify. But I am still searching... I am searching for my thing.

I secretly dream about finding a thing that is the entire and whole definition of me. The act of a thing, as in a verb, not a noun, that is only about me. It is my personal mountain to climb and conquer. And the cherry on top would be if others in my life enjoy the results. This has nothing to do with anyone else. Being a wife and mom is not my thing- it is my life. It is my reason for being. Your thing should not be your reason for living- it should only add to the experience. My family will always come first- just so that is clear. But then there's my thing.......

I've had several things in the past but none of them ever reached full "thing" status. They were more like little blips or blurbs along the way. They came, they went... they served a short term purpose but were not my thing. At one point some might have said that singing was my thing. I think it came close, and I semi-chased the dream that might have catapulted me into another stratosphere of things. But it didn't happen and to be honest, it wasn't the end of the world. I learned a very valuable lesson in this process. I was good, but I wasn't good enough. And that was ok...

Some may say that now writing is my thing and I'm still open to this possibility. But my writing is in the same boat with singing. There is much to improve upon. At this very moment, I am eager to keep working on it. But that's not to say that it won't change in two weeks when my creative winds shift and the bubble bursts.

I want a thing that I get really really good at. Something that might teeter on obsession but in a healthy, very appropriate way. After my family priorities, I want to devote what little energy I have left to something that makes me proud of me. I want to be known for my thing- I want others to see my thing and think... "What's my thing? Where am I putting my energy?"

I have an idea for my thing but I admit that I am hesitant to share it with the three of you that read my blog. Hesitant because if I write it, it has the potential of becoming something else that I didn't do. Another thing that had wings but just never got off the ground. But there's a fire in me that I can't ignore and I desperately want to explore it's intensity. My motivation is strong. My new thing will be for me, yes. But the results would greatly benefit the three people that are most important to me. My new thing would allow me to find comfort in the fact that I did what I could do- if the universe had other plans, well, I can't compete with that. But I would know that I controlled what was in my control.

So I'm going to leave it at that- Maybe I won't announce it- Maybe I'll just try it without the pomp and circumstance and see where it takes me. And if it develops into a full fledge thing, others will notice. But if it doesn't... then well, I guess the search goes on........

Random Nice Things About Other People...

This is a picture of my left big toe. And I must add that the only reason I have this picture is because I was pretty proud of my first major running battle scar. So I documented it. I began amping up my running schedule a couple of weeks before our beach trip and then one day it's like, "Oh hey...um, my entire left big toenail just fell off... Cool". I think I may have saved it somewhere too. Is that weird?

But I digress....

This is also a picture of my left big toe. Otherwise known as my best friend, Heather. Meaning, if I were to ever lose her, I would have to learn how to walk again. Perhaps a little on the cheesy side, yes, but that's just how we've always described it. But it is true. I have lived a lot of life with her and she is a big part of who I have become.

We don't talk as often as I'm sure both of us would like but I know she reads my blog. So I wanted to take a minute to be sure she knows how special is and that that I miss her everday...

Random Memory of the Day

Ahhhh, my Bachelorette party- What a beautifully insane spectacle that was. Alot of it is um... blurry but I do have a few very specific memories... THANK GOD they were all captured on camera. Here are a few of my favs.

1) Having to check my eyeballs every five minutes to be sure they weren't being swallowed by the two black holes taking over my face.

2) Having to tell Allison that her Urine looked a little cloudy and that she might want to have that checked out. And no you may not take a giant bottle of it with us....

3) Immediately regretting grabbing the taxi driver's two way radio because it smelled like cheese and ass.

4) Secretly doing a pit check on stage: In front of 5 friends and 128 strangers

5) Apparently the pit check did not go so well...

6) Having the most amazing time with a few of the most special women I know...

The SC

We are back from the SC and finally getting back to our normal routine. Here's a day to day look back at our trip...

Our drive down Wednesday morning was pretty uneventful. Riley did very well and required only one stop for changing and nursing. Tyson was amazing as usual- He's such a great kid!

We got to my Mom's house around 1 and she promptly left to fetch the always coveted Chick Fil A. I could eat there for every meal, seriously. We hung out outside and visited with my aunt and uncle, Mike and Jean. My uncle Mike was very happy to meet his new great-niece.

Tyson channeled his inner Earnhardt... Later that evening we hung out at the house. Mom made spaghetti. It was tasty as usual... Thursday evening I met up with my dear friend, Brandt, for good beer and conversation. Brandt and I have been friends since the Clemson glory days and I'm always happy that we have made the effort to stay in touch. He will be headed to Afghanistan in a couple of weeks for his job and will be there a year... I can't imagine all the emotions that he must be experiencing right now. But we had a great time and I was really glad that we had the chance to hang out before he goes and makes his official mark on the world... Goodbye and Good Luck, Brandt! I wish you the best in your new adventure!!
Friday evening I met up with two of my best friends, Heather and Ruthie and Ruthie's beautiful 4 year old daughter Alex, for dinner. They met Riley for the first time and we had a great time as usual. I never laugh as hard with anyone else as I do with these two. It's always so comforting to have people in your life that no matter how long you go without seeing one another, it's just like picking up where you left off when you do. I left dinner and went to see Heather's new baby...her 10,000 square foot new Dance Studio. She owns and operates "The Dance Warehouse" in Anderson and it is growing like wild fire. She is living her dream and I couldn't be more proud! I did not take my camera so here is a pick of Heather and Ruthie from back in the day:
Saturday was pretty low key. Tyson hung out with his cousin, Bella. This is my brother's 20 month old daughter. They were really awesome together and Bella is as adorable as they come. Here are a few of my favorite pics...

Saturday I also took some time to visit my old neighborhood and took these pictures of the home that I grew up in. We lived at 2414 Berkley Drive for 13 years...There's always a rush of emotions when I come here and it's so strange when one moment it seems like only yesterday when I lived here and then other times it's like I never did....

Sunday, I visited with my close friend Jim and his girlfriend Stephanie. I was finally able to meet their new baby boy, James. We have hopes that Riley and James will be "introduced" later in life and fall madly in love. I wanted to get a picture of the unsuspecting love birds together but James was too busy crapping on his daddy's shirt.

Always nice....

We call it South Cackalacki

The Youngin's and I are headed down to my home state of South Carolina for the next several days. I am looking forward to seeing family, friends and that weird lady who rides her "Flag" bike all around Anderson. We think she might be family but no one is willing to get close enough to her to find out. I'll be sure to have my camera ready in case I run in to her... figuratively speaking of course.

I moved to Nashville April 1, 2001; almost eight years ago. I was 24 years old and scared out of my mind. To this day I look back at that girl and say... "Hell yeah, you did it!", because honestly, I started talking about moving to Nashville two years before I actually took the plunge. Every time I would even think about loading up my Honda Accord and saying goodbye to the only life I had known for 24 years, my stomach would twist into knots. But you know that saying, "Everything you want is right outside of your comfort zone?" Yeah, I learned that one first hand.

There are things that I miss about my hometown and people I would have taken with me if I could have but it was the best decision I have ever made for myself. These days, trips back home are few and far between and when I am there, there never seems to be enough time to see everyone... But I always come away with a new appreciation for the place that will always be my foundation.

Random Memory of the Day

I just got off the phone with my friend Rachel.

She is one of the coolest people I know.

Rach and I met not long after I moved to Nashville and we have been pretty tight since. WOW- Has it really been almost 8 years?? That's seriously strange. I was very fortunate to meet someone with whom I would connect with so well. To still be such good friends after this long; surviving even the most fierce friendship killers like marriage and babies? Well, it's rare, but I was lucky.

This picture is one of my favorites although I will say Rach's tongue is seriously freaking me out. It literally looks like it is separate from her face!!! So I think that she and I, along with Kyle, were at the Sportsman's Grille in Hillsboro Village watching a football game. We had had several "beverages" and at this point were really having a great time. This is also where my infamous Profile Picture was taken. (I happen to think that "random foods stuck up your nose" is always funny! ) Anyway, I remember that Kyle and I were dealing with some stressful things around that time and we both needed to get out and let loose. No one else better to do it with than Rach!

She's also like the best secret keeper ever!

So there's my random memory of the day. To everyone else but Rach sorry to have wasted 2 minutes of your life.