Friday, July 17, 2009

I'm Searching For My Thing

Being a wife and a mom of two leaves little room for much else. And now I am working a few hours a week from home and officially tapping into an empty pool. I'm beat and tired and more stressed out than my wonderful life could ever justify. But I am still searching... I am searching for my thing.

I secretly dream about finding a thing that is the entire and whole definition of me. The act of a thing, as in a verb, not a noun, that is only about me. It is my personal mountain to climb and conquer. And the cherry on top would be if others in my life enjoy the results. This has nothing to do with anyone else. Being a wife and mom is not my thing- it is my life. It is my reason for being. Your thing should not be your reason for living- it should only add to the experience. My family will always come first- just so that is clear. But then there's my thing.......

I've had several things in the past but none of them ever reached full "thing" status. They were more like little blips or blurbs along the way. They came, they went... they served a short term purpose but were not my thing. At one point some might have said that singing was my thing. I think it came close, and I semi-chased the dream that might have catapulted me into another stratosphere of things. But it didn't happen and to be honest, it wasn't the end of the world. I learned a very valuable lesson in this process. I was good, but I wasn't good enough. And that was ok...

Some may say that now writing is my thing and I'm still open to this possibility. But my writing is in the same boat with singing. There is much to improve upon. At this very moment, I am eager to keep working on it. But that's not to say that it won't change in two weeks when my creative winds shift and the bubble bursts.

I want a thing that I get really really good at. Something that might teeter on obsession but in a healthy, very appropriate way. After my family priorities, I want to devote what little energy I have left to something that makes me proud of me. I want to be known for my thing- I want others to see my thing and think... "What's my thing? Where am I putting my energy?"

I have an idea for my thing but I admit that I am hesitant to share it with the three of you that read my blog. Hesitant because if I write it, it has the potential of becoming something else that I didn't do. Another thing that had wings but just never got off the ground. But there's a fire in me that I can't ignore and I desperately want to explore it's intensity. My motivation is strong. My new thing will be for me, yes. But the results would greatly benefit the three people that are most important to me. My new thing would allow me to find comfort in the fact that I did what I could do- if the universe had other plans, well, I can't compete with that. But I would know that I controlled what was in my control.

So I'm going to leave it at that- Maybe I won't announce it- Maybe I'll just try it without the pomp and circumstance and see where it takes me. And if it develops into a full fledge thing, others will notice. But if it doesn't... then well, I guess the search goes on........

1 comments:

Sandra said...

Ok. call your mama. she wants to know what your new thing is. Love ya!

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