Monday, June 14, 2010

Reasons Why

Well, hello there. I guess if you are reading this than that means you haven’t given up on me yet. And I thank you for that.

Obviously- it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything and I do have my reasons. It’s so easy to share the good things- To plaster photos of family and friends with carefree grins along with stories of trips, evenings out and random musings from my painfully and only slightly quirky brain. Those stories are fun to write about. And while I haven’t been completely without those events or moments- mostly they’ve been overshadowed by circumstances that can only be described as less than peachy.

I don’t recall who I had this conversation with but I remember talking with a friend one time about everyday pleasantries that we (as in human beings) engage in with one another. Someone asks how you are- you say good- ask them the same- they say good. Great- then that’s been established. Everyone is good. Good. What if you were asked that and you actually told the truth??

Well- No- I have not been good. There- I said it. Things have been pretty effin stressful and tough. I do feel like I’ve been able to maintain my auto-pilot status fairly well. Along with wiping out an entire sleeve of Ritz crackers and two glasses of red wine in one sitting- it’s one of the things that I’ve gotten very good at over the last several years. Not to say that I’m particularly proud of either though considering both actions reek of repressing large amounts of emotions I’m too chicken shit to face head on. But that’s a therapy session of a different color.

My baby brother is in jail. He will be there long enough for it to really matter. I think it will be good for him but mostly I think about him sitting there- wondering where it all went so wrong. And what kills me is that I know where it went wrong. But the issues weren’t given the attention they deserved. And so there he is- learning the hardest lesson of his life. I wish so desperately that things could have been different. And I hang on to the hope that one day they will be.

Kyle and I have been dealing with our own choppy waters: Financial stress and health issues. But as I write this (and probably the reason I AM writing)- both those seas seem to be calming and we are breathing again. I think if I felt so inclined to share the severity of the situations, one might ask how we got through it. (yeah- it’s been pretty bad). Is there any other option?? I didn’t see that on the sign-in sheet. Did someone forget to inform us that we could opt out and just NOT get through it? Nope- there are babies to feed, five year olds to reprimand, Subway’s to run and homeless kids to help. So this is OUR LIFE. And we just do the best we can.

I think the biggest thing in coming out of our little stay in SUCKSville is the realization that our families are pretty awesome. Kyle’s dad and Ruth. His mom and Ken. My mom and Dean- they’ve prayed and encouraged and sometimes- they said nothing at all; which I learn more and more everyday is an art worth mastering. Sometimes, not saying anything speaks the loudest. And for those that I just mentioned- this is my official public Thank You! Not only do you just get older the older I get. You get smarter. And wiser. And awesomer. We are very thankful to have you on our side.

So stay tuned, dear blog followers. More posts are on their way… The Brown’s are back in business, baby!


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Life is funny. Sometimes it's the complete opposite. This is my best attempt at trying to capture it all...