Wednesday, January 13, 2010


What s sobering and heartbreaking reminder of just how fragile our world is. The earthquake devestation in  Haiti is almost too much to fathom- as reports keep pouring in and the number of fatalities keep going up. Tens of thousands- Hundreds of thousands- Half a million. Dead. Other than unspeakable sadness, I feel anger and I'm not sure I can even explain why. Am I angry at God? Dare I ask- Is there a God? I want to believe- but in my continuing spiritual journey, catostrophic events like this certainly don't help the argument that there is. We are so quick to look at miracles; unexplained occurances that defy all reason and logic and so we credit God. What about this? Did God cause the earth to shift so violently, killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people? Was he too busy listening to the selfish demands we cast upon Him every second of every day. Where was God when those precious children were suffocating under the massive amounts of concrete and rubble? I can't stop sobbing- and I'm so ANGRY.

I know all the sayings- I know you should "never question God's plan" and I've heard that "it's all part of the bigger picture". Oh and there's "Thank God for unanswered prayers". I get it. If there is a GOD- he is the omnipotent being- he is bigger than what my simple little mind can wrap itself around. But dare you or anyone else judge me because I am so inclined to ask WHY????

I am taken back to the tsunami that hit Sri Lanka the day after Christmas in 2005. Tyson was a few months past a year old. Watching the story unfold, I cried and cried and cried- absolutley grief-stricken over the loss of human beings I had never met. Every little child's body tucked under a white sheet- was my son. My child. And it has haunted me ever since. It was the same scene when Katrina hit and this disaster is no different. I don't want to see the pictures. I don't want to watch the footage. I don't want to see that woman moaning and wailing over the body of a loved one- just laying there out in the open street. I don't want to see that. But I can't drag myself away. Those people, who I've probably never given a second's thought in my entire life, now consume my mind- their sorrow and sadness and their deeply, deeply broken spirits.

I have to be totally honest- I don't pray very often. I will think good thoughts- I will meditate for a moment- to release a positive thought; positive energy towards something or someone that I feel needs it. I wouldn't call it prayer. I don't know who I'm praying to.

But tonight I will- and I will put my entire being into that prayer: That the people of this impoverished country can some how overcome their grief during this unimaginable nightmare. That God, as different as he may be for so many of us on this planet, will watch over them and guide them through their suffering.

I will pray this prayer- and just hope that someone is listening...


Megan said...

I know that this has been a horrible situation. If you want me to share a blog with you let me know... it is some friends of mine who adopted 3 little girls from Haiti over the last 2-3 yrs. It's hard to imagine the devastation, but there is a plan in everything - though we may not see it now!

Sandra said...

This is heartbreaking. One of the biggest questions we all have is why does God allow things like this to happen. We will not know a lot of those answers this side of heaven. I do believe God is in control. We live in a fallen world where bad things will happen. There will be amazing things, yes miracles, that come out of this tragedy. Lessons will be learned and hopefully applied in the future. Please pray and be thankful. Love You!

Lynda said...

God is listening. And He can handle you asking him WHY and HOW. So keep talking to Him and listen for Him. He wants that relationship with you. My favorite scripture is from Romans 8:36-39. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Not (I am paraphrasing - making it personal for me...) unemployment or divorce or abuse or cancer or death. He is there and even in and especially in the toughest times I have found joy and the promised "peace that passeth all understanding."

I love reading your blog and "keeping up with you". I smile thinking about the days at LAWL and all you wanted then was to marry Kyle and have babies and now you have 2 precious children! God is good!

Keep praying!

Love ya...

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