What s sobering and heartbreaking reminder of just how fragile our world is. The earthquake devestation in Haiti is almost too much to fathom- as reports keep pouring in and the number of fatalities keep going up. Tens of thousands- Hundreds of thousands- Half a million. Dead. Other than unspeakable sadness, I feel anger and I'm not sure I can even explain why. Am I angry at God? Dare I ask- Is there a God? I want to believe- but in my continuing spiritual journey, catostrophic events like this certainly don't help the argument that there is. We are so quick to look at miracles; unexplained occurances that defy all reason and logic and so we credit God. What about this? Did God cause the earth to shift so violently, killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people? Was he too busy listening to the selfish demands we cast upon Him every second of every day. Where was God when those precious children were suffocating under the massive amounts of concrete and rubble? I can't stop sobbing- and I'm so ANGRY.
I know all the sayings- I know you should "never question God's plan" and I've heard that "it's all part of the bigger picture". Oh and there's "Thank God for unanswered prayers". I get it. If there is a GOD- he is the omnipotent being- he is bigger than what my simple little mind can wrap itself around. But dare you or anyone else judge me because I am so inclined to ask WHY????
I am taken back to the tsunami that hit Sri Lanka the day after Christmas in 2005. Tyson was a few months past a year old. Watching the story unfold, I cried and cried and cried- absolutley grief-stricken over the loss of human beings I had never met. Every little child's body tucked under a white sheet- was my son. My child. And it has haunted me ever since. It was the same scene when Katrina hit and this disaster is no different. I don't want to see the pictures. I don't want to watch the footage. I don't want to see that woman moaning and wailing over the body of a loved one- just laying there out in the open street. I don't want to see that. But I can't drag myself away. Those people, who I've probably never given a second's thought in my entire life, now consume my mind- their sorrow and sadness and their deeply, deeply broken spirits.
I have to be totally honest- I don't pray very often. I will think good thoughts- I will meditate for a moment- to release a positive thought; positive energy towards something or someone that I feel needs it. I wouldn't call it prayer. I don't know who I'm praying to.
But tonight I will- and I will put my entire being into that prayer: That the people of this impoverished country can some how overcome their grief during this unimaginable nightmare. That God, as different as he may be for so many of us on this planet, will watch over them and guide them through their suffering.
I will pray this prayer- and just hope that someone is listening...